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Mmm… Worms…
Did you know that every day 150,000 people die? People just like you and me. Every 24 hours 150,000 people pass from time into eternity. Do you ever think about that? Isn’t there something within you that says, ‘I don’t want to die?’ That’s your god given will to live.
So says one of the floating, talking men of The Way of the Master.
I tried their 10-commandments quiz and am thrilled announce that I’m actually not doing as badly as one might imagine! First, the negatives:
- I certainly take the name of god in vain, though generally only in bed.
- I sometimes work seven-day weeks, thus violating whichever Sabbath you might chose to declare holy.
- I may have dishonored my parents on several occasions as a teenager.
- I have committed adultery. Well, only if you count the sex-before-marriage sort. However, this seems to be a popular sort to count.
- I have lied on occasion (“Yes Suzie, I loooooove your new haircut�).
- I have coveted, among other things, a bagel one of my students was eating in front of me at work last Sunday. What can I say- I was hungry.
So, I’m not entirely biblically pure. However, it’s really not all bad news.
- I can honestly state that I haven’t put any other gods before “god.� I don’t believe in any of ‘em, so there is no need for deity prioritizing.
- I haven’t committed idolatry. This is another benefit of atheism.
- I haven’t stolen.
- I haven’t murdered…. though if thoughts could kill, I might be answering this one a bit differently.
In summary, I have only violated 6 of the 10 commandments, leaving me 40% biblically pure. That’s probably the most chaste I’ve scored on an Internet purity test yet.
Also on this site is a video describing how to convert an atheist. The cool floaty men (though in this video they are sitting rather than floating) oh-so-pretentiously describe their method as “bait and hook.� The bait draws the atheist into the conversation by framing the debate in rational terms. Apparently, logic is to atheists as worms are to fish. Then, once the atheist is happily munching on his or her juicy worm, BOOM, comes the hook, the emotional draw of GUILT in the form of the Ten Commandments. It’s something like this: logic, designer, cars, Ten Commandments, stealing, lying, YOU’RE BAD, guilt, fear, DEATH.
Unfortunately, even the possibly pretend atheists in the video didn’t really seem to reel in perfectly nicely, though they were significantly less eloquent than most real atheists I know (note: a lapsed Christian is not the same as an atheist). Apparently, atheists (even pretend ones) are adept at picking the worms off the hook before swallowing ‘em. Or perhaps they’re just getting their worms from other sources. (shrugs) Something like that. Either way, definitely go check out the videos at The Way of the Master. Just watch for those pesky hooks!
(cross posted at Irreverent Musings)
on November 21st, 2006 at 4:12 pm
This video cracks me up. The banana part is almost pornographic. I expect Ray to start doing impure things with it at any minute.
on November 21st, 2006 at 6:36 pm
MomSquared,
How funny! I actually had very similar thoughts… especially when he is fondly examining his freshly peeled banana.
Perhaps he gets frisky with the banana in the uncut version of the video. ;)
- Amanda
on November 21st, 2006 at 7:03 pm
ohmygosh… so funny. I’m a little worse on the Ten Commandments thingy - all but number 10 are pretty much done deals. I really regret number 9 - not proud of that one at all. Number 8 & 7 was because of a pretty girl - I was young and the poor goat did not feel a thing I swear. And, like you, number 4 only came from premarital fun - I’ve been a good husband these past 26 years.
But the videos made diet coke spew from my nostrils.
on November 22nd, 2006 at 1:45 pm
Mojoey,
I was originally reading your comments from email instead of here, so the entire time I was thinking to myself “all except 10… all except 10… goodness, I hope 10 is murder!” And, indeed, it was. So glad to hear you haven’t killed anyone.
Poor goat. ;P
And yes, the videos were certainly spewing-drink-from-the-nose funny.
~ Amanda
on November 22nd, 2006 at 2:23 pm
Conversion attempts are almost always hilarious. Unless of course the missionary is preying on weakness. The only people I’ve known to convert have had seriously awful things happen to them first.
Speaking of funny conversation-attempts, I was once at a park and two young, female Christians came up to talk to me about their church. As usual with these folk, they were sticking exclusively to their script.
And as I usually do, I broke in with something shocking just to break up the routine. I said, “Wait a second, you’re saying premarital sex is wrong? Well…ok, but what about oral sex? What could possible be wrong with that?” This stumped them for a while, and they actually started to giggle. They tried to change the subject so I said I would make them a deal. I would come to their church if they could give me one good reason why oral sex before marriage was prohibited.
They were speechless because oral sex is was not a part of their script! Oy vey…
on November 22nd, 2006 at 7:24 pm
I ran across Way of the Master a few years back, though I’m not sure I’ve seen the banana video you’re talking about. Looks like I may have to make another pilgrimage. I’ve even seen the TV show on occasion; Kirk and the moustache guy went up to people on the strip in Vegas and asked them to prove evolution. “Sure, let me pull out the development chart and full copy of the fossil record that I have on-hand just in case something like this happens.”
My favorite part of all this Ten Commandment reimagining that they do is that super-perfect Jesus ends up violating several of them, and therefore (according to their mixed-up doctrine) is probably burning in Hell. I mean, if any temptation is a violation of the adultery Commandment, then didn’t Jesus spend 40 days in the desert with Satan, securing his place in the underworld? If anger is the same as murder, then isn’t shouting at people and breaking stuff in a temple enough to get you thrown into the lake of fire? I want to see Cameron answer *that* one.
on November 23rd, 2006 at 2:55 pm
I just keep thinking… i find those movies embarassing more then funny. Can anyone possibly be that thick? it makes me so angry the way the manipulate informations and turn reality upside down.
on November 28th, 2006 at 5:34 pm
Either way, definitely go check out the videos at The Way of the Master.
lol! In the words of the Scrivener, “I’d prefer not to.”
Reason isn’t necessarily anathema to Believers, at least not until applied to the Belief.
I’d rather be alive in the hear and now. I’ll be one of the 150K soon enough, and know that I’m as connected to them bioculturally as I and they are to everyone alive at this point in our biocultish evolution. {-;
So maybe they’ll want to grow up a little as well. The more we know, the more we grow up, together.
Or, of course, that burn and die in wars and economically avoidable disasters. And stuff like BAO.
Happy Belated Thanksgivin’!