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The Abortion - May of 1997
It was in May in 1997 that I found out that I was pregnant.
I was 18 years old. I had graduated highschool the summer before. Instead of going to college (I did have the opportunity but turned it down), I chose to move from Northern Virginia to Asheville, North Carolina with my boyfriend.
I was living every young hippie’s dream. The mountains, a dog, a few cats, and 60 acres of land. I spent my days hiking and studying the medicinal plants that grew all over western NC. My dream was to become a midwife or an herbalist, or Dr. Quinn - Medicine Woman.
When I wasn’t pretending to live in Little House on the Prarie, I was working as a hostess at a fancy Italian restaurant near the Biltmore Estate. I probably made no more than $6.00 an hour. My boyfriend was working for our landlord building houses. He made $7.00/hr. We had a 6 month lease on this house, and it was in the month of May that our lease was up. See, our landlord rented this house out for the winter and in the summer months, his parents would come back to NC from FL and live there. So, instead of searching out another place to rent for the summer months, the landlord offered to put us up in one of his campers rent free so that my boyfriend could continue to work and live close by.
Since it was to be rent free, I decided to stop working for a while so that I could “study” (this was all independent study) full time. So we were bringing in a little over $13,000 a year. We were staying in a 20′ camper. It was actually pretty cool. We looked at it as camping for the summer. We stored most of our stuff and filled the camper with books and food and music and flowers. It was parked on the land and we were plugged in to electric. We were young, we were poor, we were childless, and we were camping for the entire summer in what we considered paradise.
Things slowly started to go sour though. Living in this small trailer was not easy. Yeah, it would have been fun for a week or two, but we were crazy to think that it would work for as long as we were planning for. It was hot. The water situation was just horrible, and we ended up with no running water. The landlord was being stingy with the pay and hours, and we were making next to nothing. We turned into slaves of this man. He was taking advantage of 18 year old kids, and we were having a hard time finding a way out. We didn’t have enough money to make a deposit, pay a month of rent, get utilities turned on, get gas in the car, and eat, so we felt very stuck. Both of our parents lived 8 hours away. It was then that I found out that I was pregnant.
After taking the 3rd pregnancy test, we accepted it. We spent a day straight crying. But we made the decision. We had to have an abortion. Bringing a child into the horrible situation that we had gotten ourselves into would not have been good for anyone. We didn’t have health insurance. We didn’t want to end up on welfare, and WIC, and food stamps. While we were in a tight spot, we KNEW that we would have pulled out of it eventually. But there would have been no chance of that if a baby had come into the picture.
I called the clinic (this clinic was later bombed and shot at) the next day from a payphone, and tried to make an appointment. It turned out that I was way to early in the pregnancy to actually have an abortion, and that I would have to wait 2 weeks before having the procedure. We’ll just say that it was the longest 2 weeks of my life.
When I finally was able to make the appointment, I put the $450 on a credit card. My appointment was on a Saturday morning. We drove up to the clinic and had to drive through the mass of protesters standing outside of the parking lot. Luckily the clinic had a large chain link fence around it, so we were able to park and go into the clinic without having to walk through them. But you could still hear their screaming and yelling. I remember the word “whore” clearly.
I won’t go into much more detail about the procedure. It was painful, it was scary, but it was done, and I was thrilled to be able to go on with my life. I was able to make a choice about my own future. It was a choice that I will never regret. I am where I am today because I was able to have that abortion.
We pulled ourselves out of the misery that we were in. We moved on with our lives. Later, we split up. There were some big differences between us. One of the biggest being the fact that he didn’t want to ever have children.
I’m writing this in response to South Dakota’s Governor, Mike Rounds and his decision to strip the women of his state their Constitutional rights. Fuck you Governor Rounds.
I am a woman. IT’S MY BODY. Let ME choose.
Please see Miz BoheMia’s post and Pia’s post.
Need an abortion but your state won’t let you have one? Here’s another interesting link that Jim posted about.
Sorry, this post isn’t very organized. I have a lot to say, and it’s not easy organizing my thoughts right now. I’m having a very hard time wrapping my head around the fact that the government is taking my rights away. I knew it was coming in SD, but it’s really hitting home now. Please, if you haven’t done so already, sign Planned Parenthood’s Save Roe Campaign. Write letters, make phone calls, SAVE WOMEN and their futures!!!
on March 8th, 2006 at 11:32 pm
Thanks for sharing your story, Cassandra. You’re an inspiration.
Happy International Women’s Day, by the way. What an awesome post.
on March 8th, 2006 at 11:53 pm
Thank you for sharing your story. I admire your courage. The more women speak up, the better our chances are of preserving our reproductive rights. Making abortion illegal will not resolve the issue of unplanned/unwanted pregnancy and desperate woman will be forced into horrible and dangerous situations. Anyone who cannot see this needs to remove their blindfold and take a look at what goes on outside their 4 walls.
~ EmRB
on March 9th, 2006 at 4:36 am
Hey,
Thanks for sharing a story that had to be a little difficult to tell. As usual, I agree with your take on things.
…and thanks for the link to my blog!
Jim
on March 9th, 2006 at 5:28 am
Nothing unorganized about it Lady. You said it well, and it’s nice to have some background on a blogger whom I admire.
Men and women really are different. I can’t see how any man, even the father, could tell a woman she couldn’t stop her body from reproducing. Nothing but ownership of her could give him that right.
Excellent post!
on March 9th, 2006 at 12:38 pm
Cassandra, I find that women like yourself who are in charge of their own reproductive life are the best mothers. The attitude is “I want to do this for you” instead of, however subtle, “I have to do it for you.”
Thanks for being brave and for sharing such a personal story.
on March 9th, 2006 at 1:12 pm
I’m so glad you shared this, Cassandra. You’ve had an exceptional life. You’re quite courageous, and I admire you very much.
I absolutely believe that every child must be a wanted child. And I really can’t begin to express how enraged I feel when some white male jurist or legislator gets off telling me what I can and cannot do with my body, like, I’m too STUPID to determine that myself.
AND thanks for plugging Planned Parenthood! This whole mess is why I will continue to support PP and rely on them for my health care for as long as possible. And, ladies — here’s a bonus: I found out that most health care plans will cover PP services. They get a far bigger chunk of money than if I were paying out of pocket. So when you have a choice, choose Planned Parenthood. :-)
Stay vigilant, y’all.
on March 9th, 2006 at 7:09 pm
Cassie, Thanks for sharing that. I’ve known several women who’ve had abortions (all of them more than 12 years ago) and I’ve also known women who’ve been unable to conceive. And I’ve known women who’ve had abortions and then miscarried. I can’t ever know what it’s like for anyone of you and that’s a good and bad thing, I suppose. It’s also why I really, really appreciate you talking about it this way. Thanks.
on March 9th, 2006 at 9:08 pm
Cassandra, I didn’t realize there is a period where it is too early to abort. How many weeks along must the pregnancy be before you can do it?
on March 10th, 2006 at 8:43 am
Noell, I had to look up a few things to answer this. I honestly don’t remember how far along they required me to be. But, I looked up some things at the clinic’s site, and it looks like they only do surgical abortions between 5-12 weeks. You can have a medical abortion if you are under 7 weeks, but that wasn’t an option to me - I’m guessing it wasn’t available at this location at this time?? I don’t know…
on March 10th, 2006 at 9:51 am
Thanks to all of you for your comments. I appreciate them. It’s been an emotional couple of days. Not because I’m sorry, not because I regret it, not because of the memories.
I’ve been upset because of all of the women out there who will be in such desperate situations and will have no options that are legal. Some will turn to some very dangerous alternatives and that’s just so sad to me. I’ll be feeling their pain.
on March 10th, 2006 at 12:04 pm
I know exactly what you went through. exactly.
on March 10th, 2006 at 8:35 pm
Thanks for reading Grace. I’m sorry that you had to go through such a rough time too, but I’m glad you had the ability to choose like I did.
on March 12th, 2006 at 4:38 pm
You did the right thing, although you do not need my opinion to think that way. The decision is not only difficult because of the internal stress you must feel, but because of the external stress placed by the retrograde troglodites screaming against you
on March 12th, 2006 at 10:57 pm
Thanks Dr. Marco!! I appreciate your support!
on March 12th, 2006 at 11:05 pm
Was adoption an option? I watched my neighbors suffer for years unable to have a child of their own, and spend years on waiting lists.
Your burden could have been their joy.
Just a thought.
on March 12th, 2006 at 11:20 pm
Was adoption an option?
Nope, but abortion was.
I’m sorry for your neighbors. I’ve not had to experience infertility, luckily. But there are thousands (millions?) of children out there who need homes.
on March 13th, 2006 at 8:45 am
You left a note on the blog of the late Tom Fox. I followed it, and came to read this.
I don’t want to argue with you, I suppose, I just want to tell you that this saddened me even more than the death of that brave man.
It seems we don’t agree who deserves to be counted as a human. That’s about as serious a disagreement people can have and still try to get along. So I hope you try and keep trying to understand those who disagree with you on this issue, as I try to understand you.
Peace,
Harald Korneliussen
on March 13th, 2006 at 9:06 am
Harald, thanks for your comment and thank you for disagreeing respectfully.
It seems we don’t agree who deserves to be counted as a human.
You’re right. I feel that I should be counted as a human first. Don’t I count for anything? The Constitution says I do.
on March 16th, 2006 at 5:13 pm
Kuddos to you for being brave enough to share your story Cass…Yes you do count. 100%
on March 18th, 2006 at 1:31 am
Thank you for sharing your story. All I can say is that you have incredible courage.
All the best
Kevin